Buy the Boat: Choosing Joy and Moving Forward After Cancer

I am a huge fan of the HBO series Somebody Somewhere. To me, it’s one of the most honest depictions of grief and resilience ever put to screen. It captures that mix of grieving and moving forward in a way that feels so relatable. HBO, please renew this series!

If you haven't seen it: Sam (Bridget Everett) moves back to her hometown in Kansas, trying to find her purpose after her sister’s death while working a soul-crushing job that’s draining the life out of her. In the process, she forms unexpected friendships, rediscovering her love of music and finding self-acceptance.

There’s a scene where Sam is at her lowest point, feeling completely unworthy of a "next chapter," and she stops by to see Kim, her sister's partner, admitting her feelings of loss in life. The boat that Kim and Sam's sister always talked about purchasing was in the driveway. Kim gives Sam the most direct advice: Buy the Boat. 

Why "Buy the Boat" is the Ultimate Wake-Up Call

I absolutely love this. In my interpretation, it isn’t about a literal boat; it’s a wake-up call to stop feeling guilty about wanting happiness. It’s a reminder that we are allowed to take action and pursue a life that feels fulfilling, rather than just going through the motions.

Surviving the "Gray Months" After a Diagnosis

I’ve been thinking about that boat a lot lately, because January is always a tough month for me. It’s not just the typical gray skies or the cold; it’s the anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis. I won’t bore you with the details—you’ve heard them all before. After all, one in eight of us will face this in our lifetime.

To be quite honest, I cringe when I hear women say that breast cancer was "the best thing that ever happened" to them. For me, nothing could be further from the truth. Breast Cancer was an evil, unpredictable intruder that ripped through the door of my soul like a killer with no remorse. My personality did a total 180, and not for the better. I went from being outgoing and fun-loving to a mean-spirited bitch. I wasn't a "warrior" in the way people expect; I was a prime candidate for anger management therapy.

Moving Forward Without Letting Go of the Anger

For a long time, I felt angry at having breast cancer. I lived in a state of hate, building walls, not allowing myself to feel or get close to anyone, except for my family and close friends. They could see the fist I was holding up to the sky. The fuck-you fist. Unconsciously, I was waiting for that anger to go away before I was allowed to enjoy my life again. I felt stuck and pissed off in the "before," mourning the person I used to be.

But "buying the boat" is about realizing you don't need to be cured of your anger to be worthy of joy. I think it’s an act of defiance against the things that tried to break you. It’s deciding that you can finally lower that fist—not because the anger is gone, but because you need your hand free to grab a hold of something better. (damn, that is a good analogy, I must admit)  

Stop Waiting for the Perfect Moment: Burn the Candle

This year, I'm taking back January.  I’m taking Kim’s advice. I do not want to wait for a "special occasion" to do what will make me supremely happy. So, my husband and I booked a trip to Puerto Rico. We are heading toward the blue water because I’ve spent enough time sitting in the gray, shitty month of January. 

And if you have been gifted a beautiful candle, please, for the love of God, stop waiting for the "perfect" moment to burn it. Don’t let it sit on a shelf gathering dust while you wait for a day that feels important enough. The fact that you are here, surviving the aftermath of your own personal wreckage, is important enough.

Don't wait.

Buy the boat. Book the trip. Burn the candle.